talkhealth forums

hi, i've just found this forum and have found a lot of the discussions really useful so thought i'd post too.

my partner has really severe eczema (ever since he was born) he uses a lot of prescribed steroid creams, hydrocortisone cream and an emollient but these don't work very well. as a child his parents were very careful about what was used, worn and eaten by him and his brother (who also suffers) but now he's older (23) he has basically given up, i think because it is so severe and as things don't magic it away he doesn't see the point in bothering. i really need some help and advice!!

he refuses to use an actual moisturizer so you can only imagine how dry, red, inflamed his skin is, his dr recently prescribed doublebase which he wouldn't use for 3 weeks until i just put it on his feet so he'd see it wasn't that bad. since i've managed to get him to let me put it on him 3 times (over a week ago), he won't do it himself and only lets me do it after i've nagged/ignored him and just put it on! he spends most of the day and night itching, worse at night. he makes himself bleed he scratches so hard, the bed sheets end up covered in blood and skin (actual chunks sometimes) and in the morning he'll be sweaty and smell of blood, its so upsetting to see him like this, i'm up with him a lot in the night and end up trying to restrain him (i don't know if i should do this but i need to do something). on the 3 nights he used the doublebase for me he just looked so peaceful, having no major itching until the following morning.

its also hard to try get him to keep things clean, he rarely puts on creams after washing his hands, he won't use face wash only water and uses very little shower gels/bath stuff (sometimes i sneak in oils if i'm running him a bath), and he doesn't like me shaking the bed sheet out in the morning or changing it a few times a week. he doesn't think theres a link between hygiene and flare ups, recently i was in hospital for a month and he was with me everyday and his skin was very good and me and his sister noticed it was because he wasn't spending a lot of time in his room (dust, dirty, basically a typical boy's room!) or his dog (he is allergic to dogs but ol' bruno is going nowhere!but i won't allow him in our room or near clothes etc), but still he doesn't see a link!

I NEED HELP!!! i feel like i'm fighting a constant battle of wills so any help and advice on:
* moisturisers and other treatments,
*changing his attitude to his eczema
*his itching
*anything anyone can give me!!

as my post covers a few things i've decided to put it in a few categories to get as mush help as i can, so i am sorry if someone ends up reading this a few times!

thank you

I'm sorry you're so frustrated, though I can see why. It's hard to see someone you care about, as much as you clearly do, suffer.

I think you've pinpointed the problem. He doesn't apply his creams. Without the proper and consistent application of creams, it's impossible to control eczema. It also sounds like he doesn't do it because he's so frustrated. Unfortunately, the eczema will continue to worsen without his creams. I'm in my mid-30s and I've had eczema since birth. I've always used my creams as directed and I will admit that it doesn't prevent flare-ups, but overall, my eczema is controlled.

My advice is that if possible, start by having a conversation with your partner. Let him know that this is affecting you, too, without putting any blame on him of course. Just be matter of fact. Get his side of the story, in his words, about why he won't use his medications. Once you've done that, propose a couple of things. Ask him to use his creams properly for two weeks, letting him know that you will help out as much as possible. During the two weeks, don't push him or get upset, just keep to the agreement. After the two weeks, have another talk about how things are going. Are there some improvements? What are the things he's still unhappy about? Based on that ask him if you can go with him to see a dermatologist. If it's okay with him, you could provide some more insight into the issue he's having, hopefully giving the doctor more to go on after both of you have gone through the two-week experiment.

Regarding itching, I use an anti-histamine during the evenings when I'm most likely to scratch. I've also read about behaviour modification techniques for itching. Basically, keeping a tick sheet for every scratch and then analyzing when one scratches the most. However, it doesn't sound like your partners is at that stage yet. Soft, cotton mitts kept over the hands at night (I used to just use socks) are a lifesaver. The thing about itching/scratching is that it's a vicious cycle. Not scratching and moisturizing correctly lets the skin rest, resulting in less itching. I also think that seeking professional counselling is a great idea for people with eczema, but again, it doesn't sound like your partner is necessarily ready for that.

As for hygiene, this is so vital because people with eczema have a higher risk for infections like staph which can be dangerous and definitely contribute to flare-ups. Sheets and clothes need to be washed without question. Regarding soap and shower gels, he should use whatever his dermatologist recommends because major brands often contain irritants. There are many safe and effective options available. I think you're doing as much as possible with your dog and it's definitely the right course of action.

I think I've addressed everything, but let me know if I haven't. I wish you all the best with this. Everyone should have a partner who cares this much.