Acne Stories

I have suffered with acne since I can remember, perhaps from the age of 10 or 11, I am now 17 years of age and still suffer from rather painful under the skin breakouts that eventually surface!

When I was younger, I didn't know how to cope with acne and I was at a loss as to where to start. People were telling me 'just wash your face with soap and water', 'go to the doctors' or 'put on your makeup like this, with this primer and your skin will be flawless', 'don't use skincare with these specific ingredients in them' 'don't wear makeup at all, it's bad for your skin'. This last statement just blew me out of the water because all I could think is, 'How can I go out with a face as red as a tomato and as bumpy as a pile of rocks?!'.

I went to the doctors, time after time, because nothing they prescribed worked, hand on heart. Most things made it worse, either creating more oil and spots or simply didn't make a difference. Nine times out of ten - it made it worse.

I started fishing around YouTube mainly to try to make sense of what acne was, why it came to me, and why it wasn't going away? I wanted answers! I wanted to know if I was doing 'something' wrong, like using a product that irritated my skin, how I could get rid of it, how I could cover it up and how do I not get bullied about it, I wanted advice!

The doctors didn't tell me a thing, they offered no support or advice except for constantly pushing drug after drug on me, anti-biotics, topical treatments and eventually the pill. I did not want to take them, they made me feel bad, emotionally and physically, and I felt I was putting unnecessary toxins into my body and on to my skin because I knew they were not going to help. When I asked the doctor what I could do to help my acne they insisted that there really was nothing else I could do but to take medication, and that my acne was purely to do with my hormones! I feel they just dictated to me and looked past me as an individual who had my own beliefs and emotional needs, and that I could think for myself even though I was so young.

The truth is that the only videos I could find at the time were 'How to make your skin flawless'. So I went out and bought these products being recommended to me thinking 'Brilliant, my skin will look normal'. Being young, I didn't realise that nothing could mask the bulges on my face, the word 'bulges' may seem an exaggeration, but no other word fits better, the spots felt huge, painful, pressurising, red, angry and oily.

Being so young didn't help my self-esteem much because I had 11 year olds commenting 'oh, you're getting lots of spots, yeah I don't, I have nice skin' or 'yeah, you should probably burst those spots, you look ugly with them'. I was already a very self conscious individual who was shy and didn't want to stand out from the crowd, It's taken me the last seven and a half years to become and feel a more confident, independent young lady who is happy with herself - inside and out. I'm still aware and sensitive to people's thoughts about me, but thankfully not nearly as much though, and one day I am determined that I will not mind who thinks what of me.

Due to the fact that nothing had worked such as changing my diet and skin care and being so down in the dumps, I started looking into treatments rather than creams and tablets. I firstly had a blue hand held light at home, but that only worked slightly, then I tried the Dermalux Light with a blue light to kill acne bacteria and a red light which helps with the scarring. I had this done at a clinic, and it is just the same light but on a larger scale to my hand held one. I also had chemical skin peels which were very painful and made my skin peel for weeks. On the plus side, there was nothing harmful about these treatments, and they worked to a degree ... but I only managed to have relatively clear skin for about a month. This course of treatment was hard to justify and I could not continue with it because of the cost. My parents invested hundreds of pounds into it. I now think it was a waste of time and money!

I honestly thought there was no hope of me getting rid of my acne and I was so embarrassed when it came to summer time. I felt obliged not to wear makeup when the sun was out because I thought having makeup on in the sun made my pores open and the foundation would sink into them, creating even more spots. It was a massive vicious circle of me not wanting to go outside without makeup up but my conscience telling me it was a mistake!

Slowly, over time, I have learnt to deal with my acne in a positive way. A few years ago, I decided enough was enough and that I was not going to let my acne dictate to me, rule my life and keep making me cry day after day. I was also missing out on education because I was too scared of what people thought of my face and I couldn't bare how ugly it made me feel, physically and mentally so I created a challenge for myself '3 weeks with no makeup'. For some unknown reason, I decided to film this and upload it to YouTube. Even to this day, I don't know why I did it, but I did and I continued to create videos to help people, letting them know that there are other people in their situation, because I know from personal experience that you feel so isolated and are closed off with acne. By people being able to watch someone with acne in the privacy of their own home, I feel it gives them someone to relate to and feel a little bit more 'normal' again.

It's helped me, putting videos out there, more than anything to make my understanding clearer and deciding for myself what my thoughts are on acne and what I should be feeling and the life that I should be leading.

The main aim now for my channel is that I want people to look past their acne and see their own identity and personality, behind an unfortunate mask that does not really represent who they really are.

Today, I stand up for people who have acne, I want to show doctors and dermatologists that no matter who we are or how old we are, we have a brain, we are the real ones who have a gut instinct about how our bodies work.

These tablets and creams are only chemicals changing the structure of our bodies, but eventually, they will go back to how they originally were. That might be at a time when acne doesn't affect us anymore or it might well be the case, like my situation, where acne comes fighting back with a vengeance. I've now had acne for over 8 years and no medication or treatment that I have undertaken has worked. It's frustrating and painful but I have grown to become a stronger person because of it, to fight back and say, no, I rule how I want to feel.